Hollywood’s Standard of Love

Fifty Shades of Grey is still making headlines and it’s devastation seems without end. Sadly, this movie and loads of other major motion pictures are targeting and indoctrinating our youth and many others with their own definitions of love. 

Ciaran and I went to the shopping mall today to meet a friend for coffee and while we were waiting Caleb got a hankering for a hot dog. So we stopped at a hot dog shop and the two African ladies working doted on my boy. They laughed and played while I ran a quick errand into the pharmacy. When I came back Ciaran was busy eating Caleb’s hot dog (as dad’s love to do) and Ellie Goulding’s music videos were playing on the tv. I know this because Elly was eager to point out that her favorite dance song “Burn” was airing. 

Then the next music video came on, “Love Me Like You Do.” And because I know the origin of this song, protective mother bear made her debut and quickly told the kids they were NOT allowed to watch the video. So we left! The thing is, I knew little eyes would be curious to see why I wasn’t allowing them to watch this seemingly innocent music video. 

Some of you may or may not know that this song is the theme song for the book turned major motion picture “Fifty Shades of Grey.” It is the book series, and movie, that “awakened” the erotic desires of many stay-at-home-moms and made popular the term “mommy porn.” It’s the book series that essentially normalized consent to sexual abuse. By now you must be asking if I read the books or watched the movie. My answer to you is an astounding, “NO!” I like to think I’m current on pop culture trends and news and so I simply heard and read a lot about it considering the mass craze and controversies surrounding it all. 

In a nut shell, the movie is about the relationship between a young woman and a young, powerful, and successful business man that introduces her to the world of bondage, dominance, submission, and sadism or better known as BDSM. The book Fifty Shades of Grey has been translated into dozens of languages and set the record as the fastest selling paper back in the UK of all time, according to sources such as Wikipedia. But honestly, I’ve just given you the synopsis… I didn’t even bother reading the entire plot of the actual novel because even that appeared pornographic. 

Recently my co-worker and friend posted an article on Facebook that communicated the mass devastation of pornography on our youth and it goes without saying that Fifty Shades of Grey is mentioned in there. The link to the article is here Sex Before Kissing

Naturally, the music video and article combined, brought to my attention an alarming issue that I have ignored over the past year, purely because it wasn’t at the helm of my visibility. The scenes from the Fifty Shades of Grey pornographic theater trailer I begrudgingly endured flashed through my mind and made me seethe with anger. I passionately discussed the issue with Ciaran over coffee and he suggested I write a blog on it. So here I am writing and here you are reading. 

Let me preface the core of this entry with this:

I believe it’s common knowledge that the lack of a father figure and therefore father’s heart in the home wreaks havoc on our sons and daughters. Generally, daughters end up searching for love in all of the wrong places. Promiscuity promises the attention and affections of another man, or men. Sadly, as the wheel spins and the dysfunction perpetuates, hearts get broken and pieces of souls are fragmented. More often than not all boundaries protecting and preserving the act of sacred physical intimacy are crossed and love is tainted. The beautiful union of a man and woman in covenant is made insignificant. Codependent relationships may ensue and doors leading to problematic situations are literally flung open. 

But now a multitude of complicated and potentially unforeseen issues are arising in our youth, married, unmarried, and everyone in between as a result of the popularity of this book series and movie that just won’t go away. Movies like Fifty Shades of Grey play on the vulnerability of daughters and sons that grew up without knowing genuine love due to circumstances beyond their control and it’s both callous and monstrous. What once was hushed is proudly made public. What once was considered distorted, deranged, and clinically psychotic is made normal. What once was considered abusive by society’s standards is now labeled as love in all of its fullness and glory. Now young girls are promised a kiss from a young man if she will first have sex with him. Now young girls believe the only way to receive love is by willfully consenting to physical, sexual, and emotional abuse in the bedroom provided by a young man that has probably never even received love himself. Essentially, they have learned the meaning of love and the details of physical intimacy from a pornographic book or movie that is marketed to destroy them. 

I know some of you reading this grew up in a home without a father and I’m not writing this to shame or expose you in anyway so please don’t misunderstand me. Life can be complicated and throw many curved balls our way. Whatever the circumstances, my heart is to communicate that Hollywood cannot be our standard of love in light of all this. 

While Hollywood tries to convince the world that love is sexual abuse placated by erotic desires, or a serendipitous event, or a happily ever after where problems cease to exist, my Heavenly Father is proactively extending His eternal love and grace toward all of us through His Son Jesus Christ. His desire to reach the broken, the lost, the neglected, the shamed, the sinner of sinners, the prostitute, the promiscuous, the abusive, the abused, the tormented, and everyone else not mentioned is unrelenting.

He is LOVE. Every other worldly definition of love is counterfeit and two-timing. He longs to mend this brokenness with His perfect love that casts out all fear and torment. His love that consumes every fiber of our being becomes the antidote to all of the poison the enemy has ever scattered our way. This is real LOVE. It’s the love that died for us while we were yet sinners and forgave us of everything past, present, and future. It’s the love that sets the standard for love between a man and a woman. It’s the love that makes significant the covenant between a husband and wife and makes holy what the world is trying to make unholy.

I am so thankful for the love of my Father. The love that gave me Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior who has freely bestowed all of His goodness, mercy, and love on me. 

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever should believe in Him may not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

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1 Comment

  1. Once again you have written in complete obedience Jamie, my hope is that many young women will be reached with these words of wisdom and that men and women alike will seek healing from any abuse or feelings of being “unloved.” Thank you for sharing, love you…Mom

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